Dear Brittany,

(Side note - Brittany is my daughter's best friend and I couldn't love her more if I had given birth to her.She's my daughter, too, and she calls me Mama Andrea.)

We're all anxiously awaiting the birth of little Landyn, wondering when he's going to make his grand appearance into our world. I'm sure you're ready to get it all over with, so you can hold him in your arms and count ten little fingers and ten little toes.

I guess since it wasn't my pregnancy (or April the giraffes) it seems like these months have flown by. I remember sitting on the porch, getting a text from Courtney with a picture of a positive pregnancy test and it said "Brittany's pregnant!!!" I was so happy because to me it felt like I was getting another grandchild!

When you hold Landyn, in your arms, you will feel a love that you never knew existed. It's an indescribable, love without end. Besides being called Nana, being a Mom is the best title you can ever be given.

I know that you're gonna be an awesome mama, There's gonna be sleepless nights, lots of poop, times when you're not sure if you're doing it right, but we're all here to cheer you along and help if you need it. Never be afraid to ask for help, if doesn't mean you're a failure or anything like that. Most of the time it just means you're tired.

I love you, my sweetie, and you're gonna rock motherhood!

Love always,

Mama Andrea

PS - I haven't had a dream about Landyn like I had about Alex being a chihuahua or Jax being a cat.

The Things I've Survived (and lived to tell the story)

I was born on the very last day of 1971. Mom says that she was knocked out with something from an IV in her arm. She remembers nothing of my birth. So weird but  I survived it.

After that wacky  birthing method (and I can't even imagine and don't want to know how they got me out since she wasn't awake to push) she and I spent only two or three days in the hospital. We got into the car, and remember back in those days there were no car seats for babies back then, and we drove the 17 miles home.

I spent my nights and naps in a crib similar to the one below. The vertical rails were spaced just far enough apart that my big alien head could have gotten stuck really good in them. And that play pen (now called pack and plays) They had drop down sides and I believe they were recalled because it was easy for a kid to get wedged into a dropped side and suffocate. We were living in dangerous times in the 70s.

But hang on, you're gonna really love this. When my sister, Jody, was about one and a half and crawling around, maybe even walking some, she had an appetite for destruction so that Christmas my mom "repurposed" the play pen and put the Christmas tree in it. I can't make this stuff up! It looked goofy as all get out but it kept the toddler out of the Christmas tree. That is a very adorable me in front of the tree/play pen but on the back of the picture it says Christmas 1975. Look at that classy gold sofa in the background!

The next thing that comes to mind that I've survived are the clothes that my parent's dressed me in or maybe more specifically, the Hee Haw overalls. Most clothes from the 1970s are just terrible. They were double knit, polyester and it made kids look like their parents didn't care about them. But those Hee Haw overalls were just plain hideous. I don't know where my mom bought them or what she was thinking but they're just terrible. I have a picture of me in them but I couldn't find them. 

Soon after that, my sister and I became friends with the kid across the street, Jimmy. One of our favorite things to do was to take our Big Wheels to the church parking lot that was across the street from our house and ride. Our moms would sit on the church steps and watch us. Our rides weren't just normal laps around the parking lot though. We would pedal as fast as our legs would allow us and then all three of us would slam into each other as hard as we could. Did it hurt? Yes! Did it stop us from doing it again? Heck no! We'd brush ourselves off and do it all over again. We'd have so many boo boos when we went home. It's the reason we have so many aches and pains today. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get up from something like that now.

Fast forward a little later to the mid and late 1980s. Big hair and the methods used to obtain said hair. Mousse, gel, crimping irons, and industrial strength hair spray. The girl in the picture isn't me but I can say that at one time my hair was that big. To create  the little wingy things over the ears, I would use a pick, hold the hair back with it, spray a lot of hair spray on the held back hair, and then use the hair dryer to dry the hair, still holding back the hair with the pick. Sometimes I would burn my ears and other times I would sit in class and discreetly peel off flakes of dried hair spray from my ears. I survived all of those styling products only to make it to the 90s and have several pixie hair cuts.

Then came my baby making days. I survived 24/7 morning sickness throughout the entire pregnancy with Courtney and then a VERY long labor and excruciating delivery with no pain medication. With Alex it was smooth sailing from beginning to the end until my ob kept inducing labor and I wouldn't dilate. I ended up having a c-section and was so glad that I did because he weighed in at 9 lbs 6 oz. The recovery was a breeze, too. Nick's pregnancy was easy and his c-section and delivery and recovery was super easy.

Since then I've survived two abusive relationships that I chose not to stay for more abuse. Most recently, I survived a light stroke in September of 2015. I know that it coudl have been a lot worse than it was, but I'm thankful that it wasn't.

So what is the point of all of this? I'm a survivor. Everything in my life, no matter how ridiculous or serious has been a lesson. I'm still here for a reason. It's time for me to start figuring out what that reason is.

Dear Kourtney,

Today is your last day of being pregnant with Jax. It's bittersweet because you'll miss the little kicks but having him in your arms is even better.

Tomorrow when you see Jax for the first time, you'll feel the most powerful of all loves. And until tomorrow you won't know that it exists. 

It seems like yesterday that I was standing in the kitchen at Mama's and you called me and said "mom I've gotta tell you something." Somehow I already knew what you were about to tell me. My heart exploded with joy when I heard you say it. Yes, even though I jokingly told you last week that he couldn't be born until my grey hairs had been covered and I'd had a manicure, never once did I think "I'm too young to be a grandma." My thoughts have always been "I'm gonna be a grandma!!!!"

I've seen many posts on Facebook about how wonderful it is to be a grandparent. So tomorrow I'll experience a love that I've never felt before.

For just a little while the nights will be long and loud. You will live on coffee. You might smell like puke and look like vultures have vomited all over your once favorite shirts. It's all worth it!

Now I don't normally give out advice that's not asked for but when I became a mom I wish I had listened to whoever told me this: when Jax naps, you nap. The dirty laundry and dishes aren't going anywhere and they WILL be there to be done later. Until the little man gets a good sleeping pattern down at night, you sleep when he sleeps.

Remember that dream I had just before Alex was born about him being born and he was a chihuahua? Well, last night, I dreamed Jax was a cat when he was born. We know it's not happening because on his ultrasounds there was no signs of a tail or point ears on top of his head. 

I know that you're gonna be a wonderful mom and Justin will be a wonderful dad. I already know this.

Thank you for making me a grandma!

Love,

Mom